I don’t even know where to begin, as it’s been nearly six months since I wrote a newsletter, and five months since I shared anything to my Instagram feed. Not that these durations of time “off” truly matter in the larger scale of things, but in this day and age of constant connection, social media trends, news cycles and so on, it’s made me feel a bit scattered, and perhaps a little insecure about my own ability to share my thoughts. Somewhere along the way in 2023, I became a little self conscious of sharing my unfiltered writing through my newsletter and social media platform. Working up the courage to begin this journey was something I struggled with, and I felt many times throughout 2023 that I had just given it up for no reason, that I should no longer call myself a creative or a writer, or that perhaps, I simply wasn’t good enough.
It’s not that I stopped writing, reading, or creating. With the current Master’s program I’m in, I’m constantly writing. I’m always thinking about writing - whether it be my own, the work of my peers, text we are required to read for school, for my digital marketing job, or the lovely pieces I come across on social media and Substack (and other writing platforms) written by my writing community peers. I’m constantly in awe, inspired by the strength individuals have - particularly the journalists who are working tirelessly to share the horrible truths of what is going on around the world. Without the power of the pen, we lose the power of truth, history of our world, and stories - of both heartache and triumphs alike - for future generations to come.
I couldn’t figure out why I was unable to pick up the pen (okay fine, clickity clack away on my keyboard with headphones on) the latter half of 2023. I felt as though I had nothing to say, but at the same time I couldn’t properly gather my thoughts to say anything noteworthy in a concise manner. Throughout 2023 I felt as though I was experiencing all emotions constantly - but rather than being overwhelmed and thrown off gear by my emotions, I felt more in tune, in control, and accepting of what I was feeling (shocking, she finally accepts that she’s an entire human being with feelings). That’s growth, right? That may be life, or maybe the trials and tribulations of being a single woman in her late twenties. Or both - they’re not mutually exclusive, after all. 2023 was truly my best year yet, although now, it feels quite odd to say that as we witness multiple genocides happening in front of our very eyes, every political realm seems to be going to sh*t, the world is quite literally melting under our feet, a live-able wage is difficult for many folks to meet - and the greed from corporations, billionaires, and the evils of this earth seem to be multiplying. It feels like we’re only going backwards, and not in the melodic Arctic Monkeys way. While I’m lucky enough to find pockets of comfort, community, and care here and there, it’s clear that it isn’t available for everyone, depending on who you are, where you come from, and what your background is. With all of that in mind, is it really a happy new year?
I don’t know.
All I know is that we mustn't lose hope, and we must do our due diligence in seeking the truth while empowering and standing for oppressed folk around the world. As time goes on, I am utterly shocked at the ability of humans to inflict intentional pain and evil on one another. In the same vein, I’m in awe of the strength and determination of Palestinian journalists like Motaz Aziza, Plestia Alaqad, Bisan Owda, Mohammed El Kurd, and more, who share the horrifying truths of Palestinian’ lives and history. Some of them are younger than I am, risking their lives to share what is happening to their (our) people, while I have the privilege of sitting in my bed, with a mattress topper, covered in multiple blankets, with expensive skincare on, steady internet to type away at this newsletter, the privilege of time on my hands to write a *free* newsletter, and to have folks that will hear me out and listen to my story. The very least I can do is urge you, dear reader, to learn and advocate for those whose voices are not only unheard, but ignored, misconstrued, twisted, and deliberately pushed down and villanized. If you have the ability to look away, to scroll past, or to even utter the words “I don’t know anything/I don’t care about politics” I hope you are comfortable enough in sitting with the vast amount of privilege that seeps through you and the generations to come after you. What an odd blessing.
This was the first year in my “adult” life (yes, I’ll admit, since I started drinking) that I spent the first day of the year awake, refreshed, and ready for 2024. Read: she was not hungover. I spent my day reading, going on a walk on a rare January 1st sunny cloud-free day, visiting the temple, and eating samosa chaat accompanied by mango lassi. In a sweatsuit. Your girl was extremely content. I was laughing at myself and who I’ve become over the last year. Acceptance as I munched down, smiling at the food, doing my classic smile, nodding, and pointing at the dish, saying “mmmm” as my amma laughed at me. The duality is comical at times, but that’s what we all are - multifaceted, as annoying and overused as that word is on the interwebs. It’s true! It is the most wonderful part of being human.
Allowing ourselves to explore all sides of our being is an immense blessing. To have the courage to do so is admirable. I hope to do more discovering, learning and unlearning, more unearthing, and truth-seeking in 2024 - unashamedly. I hope to move and breathe with intention and purpose, whether it be within my writing journey, my marketing career, lifting in the gym while continuing to learn about my physical strength, friendships, relationships, food, everything. My amma always teases my appa and I about our lack of hobbies that don’t involve some type of “work”. I hope to work on this too. While there is constantly so much to take in and learn, it’s important to slow down, breathe, and pause. Pausing with intention is something I need to learn.
I don’t know where to even begin, but I’ll start somewhere.
I feel deeply privileged, lucky, and blessed to be here. I have the ability to pursue everything that I desire, I have people around me that make me feel loved, and every year I become closer and closer to what feels like “me.” And I think that’s all each and every one of us can wish for in the end. All I can hope for is to do my part in providing comfort that you know you’re not alone, to listen to people’s stories, to amplify the voices of the oppressed, and hopefully instill some curiosity in the world around us. There is always so much to learn, observe, and admire.
I hope 2024 is abundant for us all.
With love,
Nivita