One of my goals for this year is to share other voices within this newsletter. So, first up we have Ragini - counselor, researcher, and writer with a focus on Asian mental health and identity. We recently recorded an episode for her podcast, Open Minds, and wanted to share our thoughts on our experiences as South Asian women in the West. Link to our podcast episode can be found at the bottom of this newsletter. Enjoy!
“We carry old homes along the spine, new dreams in our chests / We carry yesterday, today and tomorrow.” - Wang Ping
Ragini: As we reflect on the path that ultimately shaped our worldview, it is impossible to ignore the role of cultural identity. Each generation becomes increasingly aware of our evolving identities and how our cultures can be practiced differently, especially for those who have a “hyphenated self” (Asian-British, Indian-American). Growing up with a mixture of cultures and identities has an impact on a number of things, including our socialization and relationships.
Of course, these factors differ based on cultural environment and upbringing. Those who grew up first generation in the West may have a very different relationship with race than those who grew up in the East or third culture (individuals who were raised in or identify with one culture, while their parents belong to another - often refers to the children of military members, diplomats, or others working in foreign service)
There is existing discourse on the differences between these communities - while we recognize and appreciate those differences, we also want to focus on the universal emotions and experiences we have as South Asians. Social media has educated us on the sheer diversity that exists within the South Asian community and allowed us to connect with each other in an entirely new way. This is an opportunity to highlight the parts of ourselves we want to pass on to the next generation, as well as the struggles that we want to alleviate together.
One such universality is our self discovery, particularly in relation to immigrant identity. Immigration related stressors (such as separation from family, facing discrimination, or fears around visa changes) can lead to higher risk of conflict and mental health issues, and immigrants are often the least likely to seek psychological care. In India, these statistics are not much better than the West, with recent articles saying that the country is in the middle of a “mental health epidemic”.
How do later generation Asians and newer immigrants face these issues differently?
Newer immigrants (such as international students or adults who came on a work visa) may find themselves in a minority population for the first time. This, in combination with new living spaces, academic environments, and unfamiliar accents, can feel incredibly overwhelming. This struggle manifests itself very differently for immigrant women. When my parents and I began navigating life in a new country, we were the first Asian family in our neighborhood. Gone were the days of a constantly ringing doorbell, yells across balconies, a simultaneous sense of camaraderie and annoyance with the Ahujas next door. This dialogue from one of my favorite short stories (Mrs. Sen’s by Jhumpa Lahiri) encompasses it perfectly:
"Eliot, if I began to scream right now at the top of my lungs, would someone come?
"Mrs. Sen, what's wrong?"
"Nothing. I am only asking if someone would come."
Eliot shrugged. "Maybe."
"At home that is all you have to do. Not everybody has a telephone. But just raise your voice a bit, or express grief or joy of any kind, and one whole neighborhood and half of another has come to share the news, to help with arrangements."
It was not easy to walk around with an Indian accent in the early 2000s, when Russell Peters and Lilly Singh were the closest thing we had to representation in Western media. It took time to “find my people” - the ones who were able to recognize the toxicity in our culture without denouncing it entirely. The ones who took genuine pride in being Asian, and could discuss race relations as easily as they could analyze Bunny’s commitment issues in Yeh Jawani Hai Deewani.
Social media has created a much stronger sense of community for Asians all over the world, and I can finally appreciate how much our similarities overshadow our differences (well, as long as I stay off r/abcdesis).
Nivita: My parents immigrated from Chennai, India to Ohio to pursue graduate school in 1989. We recognize that the ability to be in the states and receive a scholarship to pursue a higher education is a privilege - but I would be wrong to ignore the amount of hard work and sacrifice my parents have endured the last 30+ years. It’s shaped my view on the world too - how I view the US, how I experience India, and how I see myself in our world today. For a while I felt the need to over explain my identity, the confusion, and perhaps even my existence. Now, at 26, I desire nothing more than to just exist and live in our world in whatever way I please. I don’t want to feel the shame of being perceived, or the guilt of being loud and proud of who I am that many of us feel. Frankly, now I don’t care if I make others uncomfortable by taking up space.
I spent a long time seeking validation from both my worlds - in Portland or the US, and from India. I remember so badly wanting to feel a sense of belonging. What I didn’t realize at the time that I know now, is that there is no need to over explain yourself, justify why you do certain things - or even your opinions - you can allow yourself to just be. The greatest sense of belonging will come from within; your own acceptance of who you are, and your place within this world. It sounds simple, but it took me a while to find the validation within myself. It’s perfectly okay to be confused about identity, but it’s not okay to look for approval from others in a way that’s harmful towards you, and diminishes your sense of self.
I never felt ashamed of being Indian American, but I remember feeling othered by other kids especially in high school. It felt as though you had to fit in boxes, otherwise you were seen as an outsider. I’ve felt my fair share of discrimination in small everyday instances throughout my life - from acquaintances, teachers, waiters at restaurants, store associates, you name it.
I believe being a Brown woman in a Western world has pushed me to share stories, value cultures from around the world, and do what I can to bridge the gap. All I want now, is to learn more about other perspectives and become better at writing and expressing what it means to exist in our world today. There are so many factors at play that impact our everyday lives - and I hope that through writing, reading, and storytelling, I have the ability to do my part in broadening mindsets and perspectives.
Ragini: As Asian women in countries that may never feel entirely “ours”, we have a responsibility to support each other and focus on universal emotions and experiences. After years of anxiety around social media, I took a leap of faith and began reaching out to other brown women (and men). So far, nearly all of them have responded positively, and it’s been a reminder of how easily we connect when given the opportunity.
Is the anxiety still there? Am I still working on some of my preconceived notions? Have I met some truly amazing people through my efforts? Will I keep nurturing my creativity and growing my therapy practice? Yes, yes, yes and yes.
With love,
Nivita & Ragini
Ragini is a counselor, researcher, and writer with a focus on Asian mental health and identity. Since conducting psychological research at Harvard University and the London School of Economics, Ragini has opened a therapy practice for South Asian adults (Cardamom Counseling). She also has a podcast called Open Minds where she talks to creatives and advocates from all over the world. Ragini believes in combining evidence-based practice with creative self expression, and hopes to continue using these skills to raise awareness of Asian mental health needs.
Check out our episode on Ragini’s podcast, Open Minds, here!
Loved this!
YAAAAAAY FIRST COLLAB 🥰