Imperfection in Accountability
This word - accountability - seeps into all aspects of life. Especially areas of life in which we desire some great improvement, some growth, some success. I’ve seen it circulating in articles recently, other newsletters, tweets, you name it. The context varies - sometimes it’s about holding ourselves accountable in order to go above and beyond goals we’ve set in place, in our workplaces, within interpersonal relationships, and leaders within politics. But one thing I’ve seen going hand in hand with accountability is the countless number of excuses we all make that allows for a lack of accountability. Excuses we make for ourselves to weasel out of things, or for others that we have soft spots for, while recognizing that they too, are a flawed human. I don’t know if that’s wrong or right, or if there is simply no answer.
I was talking to my mom about this yesterday, how we should be allowed to hold others accountable too - especially for their actions that harm others (intentionally or unintentionally). World leaders, politicians, CEO’s, your manager, friends, anyone. “Don’t we all deserve at least human decency?” Of course, my mother, with her wisdom that never fails to guide me, looked at me and said “No. If you attempt to hold another human accountable, you’re only setting yourself up for an expectation that’ll lead you to disappointment.” Of course, I rolled my eyes at her, wanting to argue, but was left with nothing to say. Because as usual, she’s right.
I’m of course no saint, I do this too. I’ll give my friends advice about detaching, about moving on, letting go. We tell each other we’re the greatest beings that have walked this Earth without missing a beat. Any job would be lucky to have us and our skills, any partner should worship the ground we walk on. But when it comes to me?! I have to laugh. Once I *actually* learn the art of detachment in a way that doesn’t equate to resentment in my head, it’s over for you [redacted], as they say. Holding myself accountable towards learning this would be me actively taking steps to implement detachment (or whatever I’m aiming to learn/unlearn) in whatever form that means. And trust me, I’m trying so, so hard.
My point is, I think this is something we all struggle with. It’s what makes us messy, imperfect, weird humans. I’m struggling to strike a balance with holding myself and only myself accountable against my morals and beliefs, without expecting the same out of others. Without getting upset when people (in my circle, or a complete stranger) do something that I disapprove of, that I feel is “wrong.” Who am I to judge? It’s a whole lot of weight to put on my shoulders to be worried with how others move in their world. I’ve been trying to live in a space where I’m only concerned with the way I show up in my world. As silly as it sounds, it’s been working. I haven’t been this present, this alive, this peaceful, in a long long time.
This newsletter wouldn’t exist without inspiration from other writers, creatives, and random bits of happiness and serenity guiding me through this life. I thought it’d be a good time to consistently start adding books, articles, other newsletters, playlists, food, anything that I’ve been loving. So here you go.
Reads:
A Place For Us by Fatima Farheen Mirza: I will talk about this book until the end of time. The way Fatima beautifully writes about intimacy and love in all its forms made me feel emotions I didn’t know I was capable of feeling. A Place For Us pushes me to move in this world from a place of tenderness and softness.
Untamed by Glennon Doyle: Honestly, sometimes we just need reminders to live our lives however the hell we want. Highly recommend it if you need a slap in the face to shake off the fear, and live. I know I did.
The Prophet by Kahlil Gibran: I won’t even explain because I won’t be able to do his work any justice. I’m usually not one for poetry, but I found his work in my parents’ collection of books and I’m in awe. Filled with endless wisdom in his words that I have yet to find anywhere else.
My Body by Emily Ratajkowski: I found this book quite intriguing. Emily’s writing was honest, brutal, personable and a bit warm, which I found myself surprised with. I’ll check my own internalized misogyny here because why should I be surprised that a model also has the ability to write so eloquently?! This book made me angry, made me sad, and made me reflect on all the times that I have felt overlooked, undermined, disrespected, etc. by men and women alike. Please give it a read, it’s worth it.
Tunes:
Any type of jazz during these autumn months, preferably accompanied with a cup of chai or if it’s that time of day, a glass of wine or whiskey at arm’s length. I am officially turning into my father.
My classical Indian (Subcontinent) music playlist - a mix of my favorite Carnatic, Hindustani, and Ghazal tunes. It’s a work in progress, but I promise it’s the equivalent of a long, warm hug.
Food:
Pho. I don’t need to explain.
Lots of love and coziness,
Nivita