I’ve been thinking about this phrase a lot as it makes rounds on the internet in different contexts. I get it, the internet is irritating, there’s an overload of information constantly, and the highlight reels get exhausting. On the flip side, I’ve learned quite a bit from social media this year and I wouldn’t trade the internet friendships and small community I’ve created for anything. Oddly enough, I actually think that by sharing more, I’ve grown more confident in my skin and belonging in this world. But I will say this, the paradox of no one cares is interesting. I’ve been teaching myself to take it in a more enlightening manner. The fact that no one cares only pushes me to grow out of my comfort zone, and do the work for myself. The fact that no one cares is liberating - everyone is too preoccupied with themselves and their own lives that what I do, what I share, what I write about doesn’t necessarily bother them - but that’s what’s frightening too.
On a larger scale, not caring about others has detrimental impacts to humanity - as we’ve seen many, many times within each and every one of our lifetimes.
No one cares can lead to a fall out in relationships, a loss in sense of self, community, and worse, breeds loneliness. It sometimes leads me to believe that what I say falls on deaf ears, I’ll be perceived as annoying, or that people simply do not care about me or my being.
And to that, I tell myself, who cares? Do it anyway.
To derive inspiration from James Baldwin’s quote, share your work. It matters. If you have the ability to change one person’s view on the world, you’ve done the work.
I saw “no one cares” on two of my vices this week, TikTok and Instagram. On TikTok, one of my favorite creators @jesicaelise replied to a comment on one of her videos, where someone commented, of course, “no one cares”. Jesica made a quick video saying something along the lines of “in three words, you’ve managed to tell me that you don’t have the ability to interact with my content intellectually”. I laughed, but I can’t say I haven’t felt this way towards people who show no interest in other people’s interests. There used to be a time where I’d roll my eyes at things people posted - but when I look back, it was something that made me feel a little bit insecure about myself, that led me to think - no one cares. I’m not saying that every time this thought crosses our minds that we’re jealous, but there’s a deeper reason as to why we’re quick to jump to this conclusion when we see something we’d perhaps rather not see, or when a friend repeatedly confides in us about something that they clearly care about. Maybe this assumption that no one cares is a reflection of ourselves and our mindsets, rather than the person we impose such a harsh saying on.
It’s a broad sweeping statement, to assume that people don’t care. I’d argue that most actually do care.
We’re just wary of the vulnerability and softness in showing care.
It’s silly that I think twice - almost every time - before posting on Instagram. Hesitation doesn’t come when I’m posting myself, or something “fun”. Hesitation only meets me on the screen when I’m about to share a book or reading recommendation, writing, music - something that’s more than a quick glance at my reflection. Hesitation greets me when I’m close to showing that I care about something, about anything. When I’m letting people in on a visit to how my mind works, to what I find interesting, to what I’m learning. Oh, the irony.
On Instagram, a friend of mine shared a post from Tumblr and I’ll paraphrase. The post explained that “no one cares” is harmful, cold, and selfish. The (mis)belief that no one cares causes us to bottle up our emotions, hide our pain, and allows us to live in a way where while we’re surrounded by people, we all feel lonely and misunderstood. “No one cares” not only creates comfortability in being uncomfortable with our own emotions, but the emotions of those around us too. It causes the inability to grow alongside each other in moments of grief and pain. I’ll add that yes, “trauma dumping” is harmful, especially when there is little to no accountability or responsibility in changing for the better. However, I certainly would not be at the point that I’m at if it weren’t for my close girl friends who have shown me throughout this year that they care, deeply. Sometimes more than I’ve cared. But is that not the point of relationships? To create safe and warm spaces for each other, to make this heavy life a little lighter?
I’ve accepted that I’m not a nonchalant person, and it’s been the most exhilarating feeling this year.
To finally let myself go and live with my intensity, with my emotions, with the fact that actually, I do give a lot of f*cks. I do care.
As time goes on, I feel pushed - compelled - to write more and more for the sake of caring. For the sake of not only myself, but for a reader who has felt the twist of a dagger when hearing “no one cares”. I’m motivated and inspired by other writers and social media creators too, who unashamedly share with us all that they care about, so that we learn to care too. I’ve been eating up everything that @maaltoks on TikTok (@maalvikabhat on Instagram) shares through her platform. From podcast, essay, and book recommendations, Maalvika somehow makes me feel seen - as someone else who gives a damn about the world we live in, and curious about why things are the way that they are. When I come across fellow creatives like her, I’m only more certain that it’s a strength to care, to be loud and proud of all that we care about, and that really, caring and curiosity go hand in hand.
And without curiosity, we’re only inhibiting ourselves from a future where it’s normal to care.
Reads:
The Crane Wife: I have yet to read the book, but the article blew my mind. I think many of us can deeply relate to the self sabotage that unknowingly happens in relationships. An important and powerful read.
The Namesake: I am SO late to reading this, but I loved Jhumpa’s storytelling and style. Very easy to read, but I’ll admit that it felt very 90’s Indian Diaspora-esque (which it literally is).
Bad Feminist: An incredible article by none other than Roxane Gay. I’m sure this needs no introduction, but read it. “I would rather be a bad feminist than no feminist at all.”
Too Much and Not in The Mood by Durga Chew Bose: I am LOVING this poetic book. Durga’s words are warm, comforting, and inviting. I know how author Nikesh Shukla has written how books are either windows or mirrors - this book feels like both. It’s a mirror of words reflecting how I see the world, and a window into the world as a whole within itself. A wonderful, cozy read about identity, sense of self, and the world we live in.
Listen:
Brene Brown & Esther Perel on Partnerships, Patterns, and Paradoxical Relationships: This podcast only wants to make me read more, learn more, and soak up all that there is to know about our world and why we behave in the ways that we do. Brene and Esther go on to discuss how two things can be true at the same time, and how this impacts our relationships, how important storytelling is to break patterns, and how to be a better partner. Chef’s Kiss.
Cozy Jazz: It’s December. You already know what the vibes are.
With love,
Nivita
PS - I’m always here for those moments where you feel as though no one cares. I promise, we do.