Alright, here we go. It’s the end of Summer - and frankly I couldn’t be more excited for a new season to arrive. As you can probably tell from my last few newsletters, the last couple seasons have not been *it*. This was probably the least eventful summer I’ve had since turning 18, but it’s okay - I think I’ve met and sat alone with myself more within the last few months, than ever before. Flopping in my flop era, or flopping in my slay era as us overly-online-people would say. It feels as though I can’t find the right things to say, or I’m always conflicted between my head and my heart. Sometimes I feel as though I’m watching my own life go by, without playing an active role. Other times, I feel as though time is moving way too quickly, there’s too much going on, and I’ve lost track of all that I’ve done, been through, or seen within the last few years. Nevertheless, I’m ready to turn a new leaf.
There’s something about fall in the PNW that’s refreshing, warm (for me on the inside, not outside though), cozy, and inviting. I remember seeing quite a few writers this year discuss their not-so-common sentiments about summer, and I couldn’t agree more. I am definitely one of those odd ones that never finds herself thriving in summer, since I was young. I can never pinpoint why, but every summer, I feel as though I go through some transformation, some change, or sometimes to my dismay, stagnancy. The expectations of summer are a bit overwhelming - the days are lovely and long, with bright blue cloudless skies, and the sounds of kids playing outside. Adults half drunkenly yelling in the backyard and BBQing on a Wednesday night, while I attempt to eavesdrop on their gossip. I love it, but it makes me feel as though there’s too much to do, in such little time. To a point where occasionally, I lose sight of what’s in front of me, living and breathing in the moment - no matter how insignificant it may be. Isn’t that just how life is, though? Seasons that go by rapidly, riddled with the thoughts of “what if’s” and “what could’ve beens”. I’m trying to change those sentiments. Along with a few other things.
I’m trying to grow a thicker skin - one that can grow soft when it needs to, but also learn to accept things as they are and move on without being impacted. Two of my best friends constantly remind me of this - how we can wear our hearts on our sleeves, but learn how to protect ourselves, too. How we shouldn’t be seeking the permission and acceptance of others to simply be who we are. To show up as myself, for myself. This pertains to writing, too. Fariha Róisín’s recent newsletter reminded me of the importance of continuing the craft, even when times get tough, we’re met with disagreement, or if sometimes, we have nothing to say. The writers whose newsletters I love and I’m subscribed to all have one thing in common - consistency. This is something I’m trying to work on with my writing, but it’s difficult when there’s nothing new to say. Newsletters are often deeply personal creative endeavors, and it’s never easy to put yourself out there for the world to see, to share, to criticize (read: sh*t on), or to love, to relate with, and to find peace in. We hope it’s the latter, but sometimes it isn’t - and that’s perfectly okay, but we should always keep it moving.
Just like my mom always reminds me, this time will pass, but there’s always more we will be faced with throughout our lives. And to endure all that will come, we must have faith - and conviction - that whatever comes our way, we will get through. We hang on to the good days, the good moments, to keep us afloat.
On that note, here are a few parts of life that keep me going during this season of growth, ~healing~, flopping in my flop era, flopping in my slay era, you name it. I sometimes need to remind myself of all that I have and am, especially on days that seem to drag along. Maybe you do, too.
Beach Read by Emily Henry. I just started it, but I’m obsessed. My inner hopeless romantic is squealing. I’ve said this before and I’ll say it again (and again, and again) reading has improved my mental health and writing ability like no other. And obviously one of the best ways to disassociate (lol).
This Morning Music playlist. The vibes are impeccable.
Skincare. I love my skincare, and I’ve come to realize my skincare routine is an essential step to feeling peaceful, and how I wind down for the night. I know I sound fluffy, but it has truly become somewhat meditative for me, right before I crawl into bed.
The perfect combination of exercise - for me it’s lifting a couple days a week, running and/or walking, and yoga. I genuinely have not felt as comfortable, healthy, fit, and strong in my body as I do right now.
The power of female friendships. You know who you are, and I would be lost without you. Developing strong bonds with other women - especially as someone who has struggled with this before - has been the biggest blessing in terms of my confidence, my perception of myself and the world, and becoming more “me”. Whether it’s IRL or purely online friendships, I’m fully convinced no one can show me love and support like the women in my life do. (but prove me wrong?)
Watching my friends be and grow in love. Many of my friends have been in long term relationships, or are now recently in relationships. A few have gotten married, and some are engaged. It’s adorable to see my loved ones whom I’ve known for almost a decade find another half who adores them dearly. I love love!!
Being here, in this life, as I am. It’s irritating when we hear how lucky we are to be here when it doesn’t feel that way at the moment. But I am someone who believes that everything happens for a reason - if things didn’t turn out the way we wished, perhaps there’s a lesson written between the lines. As they say, whatever is meant for us, will never pass us.
Here’s to the next season of life. I hope it’s better for all of us.