When Friendsgiving & Your Uber Driver Give You The Will to Live Again
This one's for you, my Saturday night Uber Driver Uncle.
If I’ve learned anything within the last couple years it’s to look for bits of happiness through the mundane. I had a friendsgiving last night, which in itself felt like a blessing. All fifteen of us from my college friend group met with our thanksgiving dishes and ate dinner together. Of course friendsgiving was accompanied by flowing wine and hot toddies, and music that certainly doesn’t match a wholesome holiday evening. We even went around embarrassing ourselves for 30 seconds while sharing how much we love each other and appreciate one another. Giggles erupted out of embarrassment, eye contact was slightly averted, cheeks blushed out of shyness, but also an overwhelming feeling of gratitude. We are truly lucky to have one another after so many years, confident that we’ll be there until the end of time. There’s a lot of importance placed on romantic intimacy, when the intimacy and comfortability found in long term friendships are unmatched. We’ve seen each other grow through it all.
The second highlight of my weekend was my Uber ride home. I got into the Uber, and my driver immediately asked me if I met with friends for dinner, noticing my large corning pan and grocery bag. His accent gave him away - I knew he was a South Asian uncle. Within 30 seconds he asked me if I’m Indian, and after answering I asked him where he’s from. “I’m Punjabi Pakistani” he told me while looking at me from the rear view mirror. We both let out a big laugh, smiling, “ahh so we’re basically the same.” We laughed some more about being from the same mother or father but separated, and of course, spent a few minutes speaking ill of our colonizers.
I didn’t notice the 25 minutes going by at 11:30 pm on a Saturday night. I felt at ease, relieved that I didn’t spend the entire ride staring at the Uber map on my phone, like my anxious self usually does. Uber Driver Uncle shared his thoughts on the current Pakistani political climate that I don’t know much about. He reminisced about his own stories of love and romance - with you guessed it - a Punjabi Indian girl. They spent years together in the US, knowing that this may not happen back home. He reminded me of the reasons why immigrants make the difficult transition to the US. Reasons I often forget as a First Generation kid, with my own privilege in being upset with the US and having a more altruistic view on the world. Uber Uncle reminded me of the beauty of life, and having the ability to choose what we do for a living, who we choose to spend our lives with, and how we decide to live our lives. The privilege in pursuing higher education - that should be a right - and how important it is to broaden our worldview. He reminded me how connecting with others, and hearing their stories - just like we were doing - will lead to a bigger, brighter, and happier future for everyone.
I guess that’s all I want to do with my writing, with this newsletter, and why I’ve spent so much of my time this year with my head buried in books. To broaden my perspective, and hopefully encourage others to do the same, or to have the confidence to tell their story, too. Storytelling, reading, and consuming new perspectives has the power to bring us together. Consuming bits and pieces of knowledge teaches me of what really matters in life - and this last year it’s constantly reminded me that while life can be complicated, it’s quite simple too. We all want the same few things out of life - love, belonging, purpose, and happiness.
I hope to see more of us reading, writing, and telling our stories for the future generations to come. And I hope that us learning from one another lets Uber Driver Uncle see the day where we come together.
Reads:
The God of Small Things by Arundhati Roy: If “show, not tell” was defined by a book, this would be it. I’ve read The Doctor and the Saint, and The Ministry of Utmost Happiness and knew this would have to be my next Arundhati Roy read.
White Tears / Brown Scars by Ruby Hamad: An absolute must read for everyone. This book angered me, but made me feel so understood and heard, especially those moments where I doubted myself in thinking I was feeling negative towards someone else (a white woman) for no reason. I wasn’t. Ruby writes perfectly how white feminism harms brown and Black women - and the importance of unlearning racism and misogyny - and how the two are intertwined.
Who is Wellness For? By Fariha Roisin: I’m a huge fan of Fariha’s writing in general, especially her newsletter, How To Cure a Ghost. I’ve had my eyes on this book since it was published this year, and finished it within a week. A stunning reflection on how everything in our world is intertwined - and it’s our job to care for one another, while dismantling white supremacy, patriarchy, and capitalism. And of course, to reclaim what wellness means for each and every one of us. Highly recommend it.
With lots of love and encouraging you to read more,
Nivita