Slowing Down

Pause & Breathe

It’s been a little over 2 weeks since I’ve written anything. Between work, traveling, and settling into a “routine” in Chennai, I’ve been trying to rest, relax, and breathe more than anything. Today marks a week since my mom and I arrived in Chennai after 2.5 years. While nothing feels different, everything seems to have changed. The elders of the family are aging, making me feel a bit lost and uneasy. It hits me that if my grandmothers are aging, so is everyone else around me. My parents are aging. I’m growing older. Of course, things won’t be as they were when I was a child spending my summers here in a care-free, responsibility-free state of mind. But that’s okay.

I’ve been allowing myself to slow down. To match the pace of life here; where the day goes by slowly, but people talk at the speed of light. The cure to everything is always to take a nap after eating. The anxiety disappears without the pressure of urgency. Everything will happen, no problem. I don’t always have to be “on the go”. There is nowhere to go. The place to be is in the moment.

While ‘romanticizing’ our lives has become the new trend, it’s something I’ve always experienced while spending time in India. Life is naturally romanticized. The first cup of filter coffee in the morning is made to perfection. Grandfathers sitting back slowly with a sigh of relief while they open up the newspaper and sip on their coffee made just right by their adoring wives. My mom and grandmother sitting at the table chopping vegetables while they talk about the past. That afternoon coffee or chai that’s a must for the entire family. A time to pause during the day, to sit, to breathe, and enjoy. The uncle asking you if you’d like chai, coffee, juice, or water anytime you walk into a saree shop or jewelry store. Enjoying our lives doesn’t have to be luxurious. In fact, it’s quite simple. My mom always reminds me of the joy my grandfather created in doing simple activities. This isn’t a new trend. We’ve been doing it for centuries.

There’s pleasure in enjoying a meal slowly, while asking my grandmother questions about her life in between bites. Yesterday I asked her about my grandparents’ marriage - when it was arranged, how it was arranged, and how my grandfather was in their early years. Her eyes lit up, she perked up, and she couldn’t stop smiling. She took me back to a time that isn’t mine, but was special to her. My mom couldn’t stop smiling. I couldn’t stop smiling. While elders may not remember things that have happened recently, or details about the world changing around them, they remember the minute details about their younger years. Down to the wire. About how they felt at certain stages in life. The ways in which they grew over the years. How the city used to look, and how trusting people were of each other. The undying (and sometimes ridiculous) loyalty they have towards family. The older I get, the more I savor these slow moments that seem insignificant. If I don’t ask these questions, the future generation will never know where they come from. It ends here. I never want it to end.

I’m here for two months, which seems shocking to everyone back home. But to me, it’s two months of feeling at peace. Two months of feeling connected to my parents’ childhood years. Two months of asking questions, remembering little details of stories for me to pass down. Two months of resetting, relaxing, refreshing, and breathing. Two months of spontaneity, slowing down, and going with the flow. Two months of little annoyances throughout the day that throw me off, but humble me at the same time. Two months of learning to switch off, and get lost in the moment. Two months of freedom.

Here’s to pausing, observing, breathing, and soaking it all in.

With love,

Nivita